When a person is suffering from self-loathing (also known as self-hatred) they find it very difficult to keep them motivated in a positive way rather they have good chances of harming themselves.
There is a fine line between people having low self-esteem and people who are suffering from self-hatred. When one’s self-esteem becomes way too low that he/she doesn’t find any possible way to keep themselves motivated or to get inspired when one loses self-love and starts hating themselves that is when self-loathing grows inside you.
Most of the people don’t take it seriously. Hence seeking help from your friends and family don’t really help much the one suffering from self-loathing.
Now, before going in details of the topic let’s take a note on what is exactly self-loathing.
Article contents
What is self-loathing?
Self-loathing or self-hatred is defined as the state of mind when one is having extremely low self-esteem. Basically when one hates himself/herself for whoever he/she is. You start hating everything about yourself no matter what. This leads to accurate depression followed by suicidal thoughts. No matter what, your inner voice continuously tries to drag you down and demotivate yourself.
Always remember that in order to achieve something in your life you need to face both criticism and compliments. The former one helps you to accept the challenge and become a better version of yourself. The later one keeps you going when you are in doubt. But when someone is constantly abusing and criticizing you and that something is nothing but your own mind then you fall prey to chronic depression.
Now, many people often tend to mix up the idea of narcissism and self-loathing. So, take a note that though narcissism is a very disturbing issue which leads to selfishness it is not something people with self-loathing deals with. This often creates confusion among people which leads to different opinions for victims of self-loathing.
What causes Self-Loathing?
1. Upbringing
The upbringing of a child plays a major role in self-loathing. If one’s parents did not have a peaceful childhood then his/her behavior towards his/her own child varies greatly and shifts from normal behavior. And if the parent is always depressed especially the mother of the child then it definitely affects the mentality of the child. A person can also fall prey to self-loathing if that person has been emotionally abused by his/her parents in childhood. The degree of self-loathing depends on the negative circumstances, criticism, anger, pain, and loneliness you faced in your childhood.
2. Accepting your Mind’s Criticism
Another most important cause of self-loathing is believing whatever your inner voice is telling you instead of fighting it. Once you let the negative thoughts grow inside your mind it becomes hard to resist them and that is how you get manipulated by yourself. You tend to panic or blame yourself in a situation of crisis instead of facing the challenge and fighting it off and this is what self-loathing does to you. You become worthless in front of your own eyes without even realizing it.
3. Lack of Compassion
People that surround you aren’t really serious about it. The degree of self-loathing can gradually decrease if people around you, for example, your friends and your family make some efforts to make you deal with depression. Lack of compassion within people is also a cause that you are still suffering from self-loathing. Once your mind is overflowing with negativity and darkness you definitely need someone to bring you out of that situation. External help can actually help you cope with it but if they also start acting like nothing has happened to you and it’s not even an issue to deal with the situation becomes worse.
How will you know if you are becoming a victim of self-loathing?
- You will tend to punish yourself by not eating properly. This is nothing but denying yourself the rights to live a life even with basic needs.
- You don’t take care of yourself properly. For example, if you are ill you tend to skip your medicines and doctor’s appointments.
- You give up way before you try. The thought that you are going to fail gets embedded in your mind so badly that you don’t even bother to try.
- You try to isolate yourself as your inner voice convinces you that you don’t deserve socializing or any fun time in your life.
- Suicidal thoughts will come in your mind which will provoke the idea of self-sacrifice.
- You will constantly feel like you are worthless and you don’t deserve a better life.
- Addiction to alcohol or drugs can also be seen in many cases.
How to Stop Self-loathing?
If you are already a victim of lower self-esteem and depression then learn how to deal with self loathing.
- Learn to fight that negative voice inside you which constantly makes you disgust yourself.
- Try to establish a firm power in your mind where you can dominate over those pessimistic voices. Every negative thought that comes into your mind, turn them into a positive one by making yourself believe that no matter if you fail to succeed it, will teach you a valuable lesson. So, instead of thinking “You are such a loser!”, “You can never do it” start thinking “You just gathered a new experience so prepare yourself for the next time.”
- Don’t get stuck on a single situation and start building up thoughts on the basis of that.
- Start treating yourself with more respect, love, empathy, and affection.
- Don’t get carried away by what other people are saying and try to take your own decisions with your own power of freedom.
- Always remember you are the best judge when it comes to access yourself. So, for every decision, you take you should try and be answerable to yourself. In this way, you will justify your every action with rational and logical thinking which will increase your self-confidence to an exceptional level.
- Challenge yourself but don’t be too hard on yourself.
Also note that when you realize you are improving and your level of self-esteem is getting higher, don’t be scared of that. Many people tend to fall out of the positive environment they are creating for themselves thinking that they are becoming overconfident. Please don’t do this. Once you start progressing instead of getting scared try to help out other people who are suffering from self-loathing.
How to help someone with Self Loathing?
If you have been in their shoes at some or the other point in your life, no one better than you will understand their situation. So, tell them how to overcome self loathing and why is it important to get over it.
- Help them out by listening to them as there are very few people who actually consider self-loathing as a real issue.
- Be kind and compassionate towards them. Try to figure out the root of their problem which triggered the sense of self-hatred among them.
- Tell them your story too and how you got over it. Because if you interact with them by sharing your experiences they will feel more connected to you and open up even more.
- Convince the person that he/she is actually a way better version of himself/herself. They just need to give them a chance and explore the positive sides of themselves.
- Suggest them some self help books which will help them get over depression and have confidence on them.
- Explain to them how self hatred leads to nothing except leading you to a dead end. Explain to them the value of life and how important they should be to themselves.
- Self acceptance is also a very important factor in order to get over self loathing. Many people find it very hard to get over their past mistakes and hence start hating themselves. And thus self acceptance is very important to get over self loathing. Learn to accept your past mistakes and move on.
Be confident and always shine!
